Communicating effectively

Useful communication skills for building positive interpersonal relationships include:

• active listening
• understanding non-verbal signals (e.g. facial expressions)
• maintaining eye contact
• being assertive without being confrontational
• being mindful of people's individual space
• using positive body language
• understanding different cultures and backgrounds
• dealing with different points of view
• possessing skills and knowledge relating to the topic of your communications.

Personal awareness skills that help with communication include:

• understanding the benefits of a positive attitude
• being aware of how others perceive you
• projecting self-confidence
• presenting well (e.g. dressing appropriately for different occasions).

It also helps to consider the circumstances surrounding your communications, such as the environmental, situational and cultural context.

For example:

• Are you in a noisy environment?
• Are you outside in the heat?
• Is the other person unhappy and displaying signs of dissatisfaction or anger?
• Is the other person from a different culture where eye contact can be considered disrespectful?

You are more likely to achieve positive outcomes when you use positive, rather than negative, language. This can be difficult in situations where the other party is unhappy or negative.

Positive language is helpful and encouraging; it suggests alternatives and offers solutions to problems.

Consider this example.

• Negative language: "We're out of stock and we're not expecting new stock for 3 weeks."
• Positive language: "This item is currently on order and we'll have it for you in 3 weeks. Would you like to reserve one?"

'I' statements, rather than 'you' statements, often yield better results in verbal exchanges.

Consider this example.

'I' statement: "I need more information to make a decision."

'You' statement: "You need to give me more information before I can make a decision."

The reason the 'I' statement sounds better is that you are saying what you need rather telling someone what they should do. 'You' statements are inclined to being misinterpreted by the other party.

Assertiveness (often through the use of 'I' statements) is stating what you plan to do. Instead of coming across as hostile, you are making a statement about something you feel or perceive.

Aggression, on the other hand, is received by the other party as hostile or unfriendly behaviour. It often uses the word 'you'. People can become unhappy and feel confronted when you tell them what to do. Even when talking to employees, it is wise to soften language when asking them to perform tasks, as they are likely to respond better to requests than orders.

Consistent assertiveness shows others that you're confident and open to suggestion, but won't be taken advantage of, leading to a mutually acceptable outcome.

Speaking style refers to the tone, pitch, accent, volume and pace of your voice.

The same sentence can be conveyed, and understood, in entirely different ways based on how you say it. People you speak to can be motivated by a positive speaking style, just as they can be put off by a negative style.

Speak with a positive voice—avoid monotone responses, or talking too quickly or slowly. Be as calm and as clear as possible, and try to engage the listener, as this is more likely to promote the response you are after than if they leave the conversation anxious, disengaged or deflated.

If you or the other party are from a different culture, the pace may naturally be faster and volume softer. This requires more genuine active listening to ensure the messages are being received in the most positive way.

Open questions ask a person to elaborate or explain, helping to build rapport and encouraging them to speak freely.

Well-chosen open questions encourage responses you might not have thought to ask.

For example, "How has your business changed in the last few years?"

Closed questions ask for a short, specific answer, such as yes or no.

For example, "Are you happy with the proposal?"

These are good for finding out facts, limiting or guiding a discussion in a particular way and gathering specific information from which you can generate an open question.

An example of poor use of a 'closed' question is when a shop assistant behind the counter asks, "You're just happy browsing, aren't you?"

This question can make the customer feel the shop assistant isn't interested in providing a service or selling products.

Probing questions are more targeted and designed to develop a specific understanding of the other party's view on a matter.

For example: "How could I change my offer so this proposal is a win-win for both of us?"

Use confirmation questions when you need to be sure the other party understands your message.

For example: "What benefits do you think this proposal could bring to your organisation in the next year?"

Use summary confirmation questions to clarify your understanding of the other party's needs.

For example: "Could I summarise what you've just told me so I can check I've understood you? You said you want a computer system allowing you and your staff to complete their tasks in half the time, and training for all your staff on using this new system?"

Active listening means paying attention to the speaker—both to verbal and non‑verbal cues.

To do this effectively, block out the other noise, distractions, and conversations around you and simply tune in to the person communicating with you.

For example, if you see them look down or appear uncomfortable in some way while saying, "That's all I can tell you at the moment" you might deduce that they are withholding information.

This type of active listening alerts you to the opportunity for a well-constructed open or probing question, to gather the missing information. If you're not listening actively, it can be easy to miss signs like these.

Ensure you focus on what is being said and resist letting your attention wander.

Important pieces of information can be missed if you are not alert and engaged. This can lead to misunderstandings later on, or possibly embarrassing situations where you appear to have forgotten something you have been told.

One way to concentrate during a business conversation is to ask the speaker questions.

Not only will this help guide the conversation at a pace you want, it can also ensure your mind is focused on the subject at hand.

Active listening should ultimately lead to a complete understanding of what another person has said. You can do this by feeding back to them, in your own words, your understanding of what they've said.

An easy way to do this is to clarify, paraphrase or summarise.

Examples of summary question in these cases include:

• "So what you're saying is...?"
• "So what you need from me is...?"
• "So in summary what we've agreed is...?"

It is usually a good idea to check your understanding regularly during a conversation.

You can paraphrase or summarise:

• when the other party has provided a large amount of information
• whenever something is unclear to you
• when moving to a new topic or area for discussion
• at the end of the discussion.

Clarification is also a useful tool when the other party seems to be asking for a lot of information. If their questions are poorly structured, too broad or ambiguous, you might give away too much information by answering them straight away.

It's often a good idea to clarify a question before you answer it.

Body language can support the words you use and how you say those words, but can also reveal your true feelings if you are uncomfortable.

There are 2 main aspects of body language to consider:

• posture—how you sit or stand during a conversation. To indicate interest, your posture should be open, with your body turned to face the other person. Leaning forward slightly can also convey apparent interest in what it being said, and that you are actively listening. Sitting or standing with your arms folded, can be interpreted as closed body language and that you are not interested.
• gestures—simple acts such as nodding your head and opening your palms can have a positive effect on a conversation. You can move your hands during conversation to convey a sense of animation about a subject, though be careful not to overdo it. Maintaining eye contact is also helpful. However, be mindful that in some cultures, maintaining eye contact can be considered disrespectful.

Negative body language creates a negative impression and tends to impede progress. Someone glancing at their watch or fiddling with something during negotiations will come across as disinterested or uncomfortable. These examples of non-verbal communication may lead the negotiation to falter or break down.

Other negative body language you should avoid includes:

• clenched fists
• folded arms
• shrugs and shuffles
• finger pointing.

You can learn positive body language easily, by watching how other people conduct themselves during conversations. Anything that seems positive is worth copying, while anything that repels you in a conversation should be avoided.

Looking people in the eye when talking to them is a good way to let them know you are listening to them and interested in what they have to say.

Eye contact can also convey sincerity and confidence, which is often important in business situations. Not looking the other party in the eye can sometimes make you appear disinterested, nervous, or even shifty.

In come cultures, not looking you in the eye can be a sign of respect.

For example, some Asian cultures, or remote community Aboriginal people, may have been taught that you should not look someone in the eye if they are considered to be a higher status or profile than you—such as in a teacher–student relationship.

If someone begins to portray negative body language cues such as these in a business situation, it can sometimes be difficult to regather their attention. Try smiling, using their name in the conversation, and maintaining eye contact whether they are a customer, client or employee.

Of course, it is important not to stare them out, accidentally or otherwise. Use your best judgment.

Our faces are extremely expressive, and often give our emotions away before we have a chance to say what we feel.

It is important to try to keep your facial expressions positive and genuine during a business conversation.

Smiling is very important—a simple, natural smile is known to help the other party relax during a conversation. Most people have experienced someone looking at them with a fake smile. A genuine smile is said to change the shape of the eyes, whereas a fake smile doesn't.

Avoid negative facial expressions, such as:

• frowning or scowling
• glaring
• rolling eyes
• looking elsewhere
• blankness
• sneering
• pouting.

The way you introduce and present yourself provides people with a first impression of you.

In business, consider what impression you would like to make, and prepare yourself for it (i.e. dress and groom yourself appropriately for that meeting).

When we introduce ourselves, we're saying we're interested in establishing an ongoing relationship for mutual benefit.

There are usually 3 parts to business introductions:

• the handshake (often, but not always)
• introducing yourself
• moving into conversation.

You are more likely to be remembered by a person whose hand you've shaken.

In traditional Australian culture there are 4 main opportunities for handshaking:

• when introduced to someone and when saying goodbye
• when you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time
• when you enter a business meeting and are introduced to participants
• when you reach agreement or commit to a deal.

These are the most commonly used features of handshaking in Australia:

• stand
• step or lean forward
• make eye contact
• smile
• shake hands—firm but not hard
• greet the other person and repeat their name.

Try not to put your second hand on top of theirs as that is typically a show of dominance or power in business.

Your introduction should tell people who you are and encourage people to engage with you. Project confidence while doing so because this will put others at ease.

Consider the '30-second elevator pitch'. When introducing yourself, apart from your name you should consider including:

• your role or title
• your business, trade, or industry
• a brief description of your business
• a 'memory hook' (quick, ear-catching phrase that people are likely to remember)
• a benefit statement of 1 particular product or service you offer.

The length of your introduction will depend on the circumstances. It doesn't need to be long, and it's possible to combine certain elements, such as your business and your benefit statement.

Always remember to speak clearly and smile, making eye contact with the person you're speaking to. Using a bit of humour can put people at ease, but note that certain types of humour can offend.

If an introduction doesn't go according to plan, the reason may be cultural differences. Every culture has its own way of meeting people in business situations for the first time.

Here are 3 examples of how the common business practices of other cultures contrast with those used in Australia.

• In Brazil, an initial handshake is considered very important. There is likely to be a great deal of small talk before the meeting properly starts, and the tone set here can be very important in the relationship development cycle.
• In Russia, meetings are often very formal, structured and serious. Many Russian negotiators believe that a formal meeting is a serious affair and should be treated accordingly. Humour is rarely used in such serious situations.
• In Japan, formal exchanges of business cards are performed at the beginning of a first meeting. The respect you show the card equates with the respect you show the person.

Using the correct level of formality in your written communication can be the difference between your email or document being read or ignored.

Use your best judgment. Being too formal can be interpreted as brash by the receiver. Being too informal can reduce the importance of your message.

Consider your personal relationship with the recipient

If you have not met the recipient, or your meetings have been in only formal, business settings, it is sensible to continue to remain formal in letters and emails.

If you have already established a rapport with the recipient, you can be more informal, but make sure you keep the communication focused on the business at hand.

Consider the purpose of your communication

In some situations, emails can quickly move back and forth between parties. It is important to gauge the tone of each email carefully. If the other party moves to a more informal style while you remain rigidly formal, you may miss the opportunity to encourage a more informal and cooperative relationship.

Equally, being overly informal too soon can be seen as disrespectful.

Use your best judgment when choosing a communication style.

To assist with writing formal emails and letters, follow this simple outline:

• polite greeting, for example:
  • letters: Dear [name]; Dear sir; Dear madam
  • email: Hi [name]; Hi customer service team
• simple introductory paragraph—explaining why you are writing
• second and/or third paragraph—the facts you need to share with the reader
• last paragraph—the closing summary outlining your recommendation or what you require the reader to action
• signature block—finish the communications with your name, signature and contact details.

Some general rules for writing include the following.

Formal writing:

• avoids contractions such as 'you're' and 'won't'
• is less likely to use abbreviations, preferring 'television' to 'TV' for example
• is more likely to include longer sentences and complex expressions.

Informal writing:

• can include more colloquialisms and slang, such as 'loads of' in place of 'many'
• is more likely to use short, simple sentences.

It is safe to apply the rules of conversation to writing. Generally, you should probably be more formal in written communication to begin with than you would be in a conversation.

Let the emerging relationship with the person you are writing to guide the conversation.

Letters are becoming increasingly rare.

This is due to the speed and ease of email. You should only send letters if there is a specific need to do so, such as the recipient has indicated they do not like using email, or they do not have the means to communicate electronically.

Alternatively, the situation may require a letter, but you may be able to attach it to an email for faster delivery and reply.

Letters are still the most common form of legal communication between parties, although these letters are often sent as attachments via email.

It is good business practice to respond to a letter received through Australia Post within 5 days of receiving it, dependent on the importance of content within the letter (i.e. legal or financial documents usually require specific response timelines).

Email is common though it is slowly being complemented by 'contact us' forms on web pages and on page chat applications.

For email and web forms, it is still common to use letter writing conventions such as 'Dear [name]' and 'Yours sincerely' in emails. More recently however, 'Yours sincerely' is often substituted with 'Kind regards' or no closing salutation.

It is good business practice to respond to an email shortly after receiving it, or within 24–48 hours, dependent on the importance of content. Responding on the same day is best practice.

Web forms form part of a web page but have a series of boxes, or form fields, for you to fill in and a button to submit the form.

Like an email, they ask for information from you, but in a structured way. This can help organisations process incoming correspondence more efficiently.

Web forms may also request your email address or phone number to reply to you.

Text messages, or SMS messages, have also become a popular channel of business communication. When sending text messages for business purposes, resist using abbreviations as it can be considered less professional.

Text messages can be:

• faster to send
• faster to process and respond to
• generally accepted to be short and to the point
• directed to a person or monitored phone number—versus an email which may be directed to a central mailbox where others could read it
• captured, saved and printed for 'paper trail' purposes.

It is good business practice to respond to text messages within a very short timeframe. For many users, text messages are a form of 'instant' messaging and this expectation carries over into business communication. While 'instant' replies might not be practical, the key is for a text message response to feel faster than email.